Book Image

Emotional Intelligence for IT Professionals

By : Emília M. Ludovino
5 (1)
Book Image

Emotional Intelligence for IT Professionals

5 (1)
By: Emília M. Ludovino

Overview of this book

This book will help you discover your emotional quotient (EQ) through practices and techniques that are used by the most successful IT people in the world. It will make you familiar with the core skills of Emotional Intelligence, such as understanding the role that emotions play in life, especially in the workplace. You will learn to identify the factors that make your behavior consistent, not just to other employees, but to yourself. This includes recognizing, harnessing, predicting, fostering, valuing, soothing, increasing, decreasing, managing, shifting, influencing or turning around emotions and integrating accurate emotional information into decision-making, reasoning, problem solving, etc., because, emotions run business in a way that spreadsheets and logic cannot. When a deadline lurks, you’ll know the steps you need to take to keep calm and composed. You’ll find out how to meet the deadline, and not get bogged down by stress. We’ll explain these factors and techniques through real-life examples faced by IT employees and you’ll learn using the choices that they made. This book will give you a detailed analysis of the events and behavioral pattern of the employees during that time. This will help you improve your own EQ to the extent that you don’t just survive, but thrive in a competitive IT industry.
Table of Contents (17 chapters)
Title Page
Credits
About the Author
Acknowledgment
About the Reviewer
www.Packtpub.com
Customer Feedback
Preface
9
Bibliography

The five universal emotions plus calm


Researchers agree that all humans, no matter where or how we are raised, have in common five universal emotions - anger, disgust, enjoyment, fear, sadness. And I would like to add calm to the five universal emotions. Because, a calm, balanced frame of mind helps us understand our changing emotions. We can reach calmness by developing an awareness of our emotions: what triggers them, how we experience them, and how we can respond constructively. Let's learn the states/intensity, actions, and the most common triggers of the five universal emotions.

States of anger

Anger can be felt mildly, extremely, or somewhere in between. The least intense state of anger is annoyance and can progressively escalate to frustration, exasperation, argumentativeness, bitterness, vengefulness, and fury. The following figure shows a graph of each state of anger and its intensity:

States of Anger

The states of anger are as follows:

  • Annoyance: This is a very mild anger caused by a nuisance or inconvenience. The possible actions resulting from annoyance are suppression, passive-aggression, simmer/brood. The first action is ambiguous as it could either be a useful response to the emotion or it could cause harm. The last two are destructive as they cause harm.
  • Frustration: This is a response to repeated failures in overcoming an obstacle. The possible actions resulting from frustration are the three mentioned earlier plus insult, quarrel, scream/yell, undermine. The action of suppressing frustration is an ambiguous action. All the other actions are destructive.
  • Exasperation: This is anger caused by a repeated or strong nuisance. The possible actions resulting from exasperation are all the ones mentioned earlier plus dispute. Suppressing exasperation is an ambiguous action. All the other ones are destructive actions.
  • Argumentativeness: This is a tendency to engage in disagreements. The possible actions resulting from argumentativeness are suppress, insult, quarrel, simmer/brood, undermine. Suppressing an argument is an ambiguous action; it could be useful or cause harm. All the other actions are destructive.
  • Bitterness: This is anger after unfair treatment. The possible actions resulting from bitterness are suppress, passive-aggressive, dispute, insult, scream/yell, simmer/brood, undermine. Suppressing bitterness is an ambiguous action; it could be useful or cause harm. All the other actions are destructive.
  • Vengefulness: The desire to retaliate after one is hurt. The possible actions resulting from vengefulness are dispute, insult, quarrel, scream/yell, simmer/brood, suppress, undermine, or using physical force; all the actions are destructive.
  • Fury: This is uncontrolled and often violent anger. The possible actions resulting from fury are insult, quarrel, scream/yell, simmer/brood, suppress, undermine, or use physical force; all the actions are destructive.

Actions of anger

The possible actions resulting from any of the states/intensity of anger as mentioned previously are shown in the following figure:

Actions of Anger

We will now see what they represent:

  • Dispute: This means disagreeing in a manner that may escalate the conflict
  • Passive-aggressive: This means taking indirect actions that have an angry undercurrent
  • Insult: This involves belittling an other person in an offensive or hurtful way that is likely to escalate the conflict rather than resolve it
  • Quarrel: This involves verbally opposing in a manner intended to escalate the disagreement
  • Scream/Yell: This involves losing control of one's speech, speaking loudly, and possibly at a higher pitch
  • Simmer/Brood: This involves expressing your anger by sulking
  • Suppress: This involves trying to avoid feelings or acting upon the emotion that is being experienced
  • Use physical force: This involves harming or trapping someone
  • Undermine: This is when we take action to make someone or something weaker or less effective, usually in a secret or gradual way

Triggers of anger

The most common universal triggers of anger are as follows:

  • Interference with locomotion
  • Interference with action
  • Rejection by a loved one

Everyone has the same universal triggers as we are born with them. They affect us more intensely than learned triggers. The following figure shows the different triggers of anger:

Triggers of Anger

The most common learned triggers in anger are as follows:

  • Being wrongfully accused
  • Being put down by an authoritative figure
  • Encountering offensive beliefs
  • Inefficiency or bureaucracy

Learned triggers can be part of your culture or highly personal and created by your individual experiences.

States of enjoyment

Enjoyment can be felt mildly, extremely, or somewhere in between. The least intense state of enjoyment is sensory pleasure that can progressively, escalate to rejoicing, compassion/joy, amusement, schadenfreude, relief, peace, pride, fiero, naches, wonder, excitement, and ecstasy. The following figure shows a graph of each state of enjoyment and its intensity:

States of Enjoyment

Now we will see what each of them represent:

  • Sensory pleasure: This refers to enjoyment derived through one of the five physical senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. The possible actions resulting from this state are savor and seek more—both actions are constructive actions as they are useful responses to the emotion felt.
  • Rejoicing: This refers to a warm, uplifting feeling that people experience when they see acts of human goodness, kindness, and compassion. It is also called elevation. The possible actions resulting from this state are savor, seek more, exclaim, engage/connect, and indulge. The first four actions are constructive actions as they are useful responses to the emotion felt. Indulge in rejoicing is ambiguous as it could either be a useful response to the emotion or it could cause harm.
  • Compassion/joy: This refers to the enjoyment of helping to relieve another person's suffering. The possible actions resulting from this state are engage/connect, savor, seek more, and exclaim. All four actions are constructive actions as they are useful responses to the emotion felt.
  • Amusement: This involves light, playful feelings of enjoyment and good humor. The possible actions resulting from this state are engage/connect, exclaim, maintain, seek more, and indulge. The first four actions are constructive actions as they are useful responses to the emotion felt. Indulge in amusement is ambiguous as it could either be a useful response to the emotion or it could cause harm.
  • Schadenfreude: (a German word) This involves enjoyment of the misfortunes of another person, usually a rival. The possible actions resulting from this state are engage/connect, exclaim, gloat, maintain and seek more. All the five actions are destructive actions as they could cause harm.
  • Relief: This is when something is expected to be unpleasant, especially the threat of harm, but is avoided or comes to an end. The possible action resulting from this state is exclaim, which is a constructive action.
  • Peace: This is an experience of ease and contentment. The possible actions resulting from this state are engage/connect and maintain—both constructive actions.
  • Pride: This involves deep pleasure and satisfaction derived from one's own achievements or the achievements of an associate. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek more, engage/connect, exclaim, indulge and savor—the action of seeking more pride is a constructive action, though, all the remaining actions are ambiguous.
  • Fiero: (an Italian word) This is an enjoyment of meeting a difficult challenge. The possible actions resulting from this state are maintain, seek more, engage/connect, indulge, savor, and gloat—the action of maintaining fiero is a constructive action, though gloat fiero is a destructive action as it could cause harm and the other actions are ambiguous.
  • Naches: (a Yiddish word) This involves joyful pride in the accomplishments of one's children or mentees. The possible actions resulting from this state are engage/connect, exclaim, savor and gloat; the first three actions are ambiguous and gloat is a destructive action.
  • Wonder: This is an experience of something that is very surprising, beautiful, amazing, or hard to believe. The possible actions resulting from this state are engage/connect, exclaim, savor, seek more, and indulge; the first four actions are constructive actions. Indulge in wonder is an ambiguous action.
  • Excitement: This is a powerful enthusiasm. The possible actions resulting from this state are engage/connect, exclaim, maintain, seek more, and indulge; the first four actions are constructive actions. Indulge in excitement is an ambiguous action.
  • Ecstasy: This is rapturous delight. A state of very great happiness, nearly overwhelming. The possible actions resulting from this state are maintain, savor, and indulge; the first two actions are constructive actions. Indulge in ecstasy is an ambiguous action.

Actions of enjoyment

The possible actions resulting from any of the states/intensity of enjoyment are shown in the following figure:

Actions of Enjoyment

We will now see what they represent:

  • Exclaim: This is when you vocally express enjoyment to others
  • Engage/Connect: This is when you share your feelings of enjoyment with others without a desire to cause jealousy
  • Gloat: This is when you enjoy other people's envy of your state of enjoyment
  • Indulge: This is when you allow yourself to fully experience the pleasure of good feelings
  • Maintain: This is when you continue to do what is necessary in order to continue the enjoyable feelings
  • Savor: This is when you appreciate the good feelings around an experience completely, especially by dwelling on them
  • Seek more: This is when you attempt to increase the enjoyable feelings

Triggers of enjoyment

The most common universal triggers of enjoyment are as follows:

  • Spending time with family
  • The taste of chocolate cake
  • Places associated with enjoyable memories
  • Playing a sport

Everyone has the same universal triggers as we are born with them. They affect us more intensely than learned triggers. The following figure shows the different triggers of enjoyment:

Triggers of Enjoyment

The most common learned triggers in enjoyment are as follows:

  • Social interaction
  • Helping others
  • Sensory experience of nature

Learned triggers can be part of your culture or highly personal and created by your individual experiences.

States of fear

Fear can be felt mildly, extremely, or somewhere in between. The least intense state of fear is trepidation; this can progressively escalate to nervousness, anxiety, dread, desperation, panic, horror, and terror. The following figure shows a graph of each state of fear and its intensity:

States of Fear

We will now see what each of them represents:

  • Trepidation: This involves the anticipation of the possibility of danger. The possible actions resulting from this state are hesitate, ruminate, and worry; the first action is a constructive action, though the last two are destructive actions.
  • Nervousness: This involves an uncertainty as to whether there is a danger. The possible actions resulting from this state are hesitate, ruminate, and worry; the first action is a constructive action, though the last two are destructive actions.
  • Anxiety: This is a fear of an anticipated or actual threat and uncertainty about one's ability to cope with it. The possible actions resulting from this state are hesitate, freeze, withdraw, ruminate, and worry; the first action is a constructive action. Freeze and withdraw are ambiguous actions and the last two are destructive.
  • Dread: This involves an anticipation of severe danger. The possible actions resulting from this state are freeze, withdraw, ruminate, scream/yell, and worry. Freeze, withdraw, and scream are ambiguous actions. Ruminate and worry are destructive
  • Desperation: This is a response to the inability to reduce danger. The possible actions resulting from this state are avoid, freeze, hesitate, ruminate, and scream/yell. Ruminate is a destructive action when we feel desperate. All the other actions are ambiguous.
  • Panic: This involves sudden uncontrollable fear. The possible actions resulting from this state are freeze, scream/yell, withdraw, ruminate, and worry. The last two actions are destructive. All the others are ambiguous.
  • Horror: This involves a mixture of fear, disgust, and shock. The possible actions resulting from this state are: freeze, scream/yell, withdraw - all the actions are ambiguous.
  • Terror: This involves an intense overpowering fear. The possible actions resulting from this state are freeze, scream/yell, and withdraw.

Actions of fear

The possible actions resulting from any of the aforementioned states/intensity of fear are shown in the following figure:

Actions of Fear

We will see what each of these represents:

  • Avoid: This involves either physically staying away from the threat or keeping yourself from thinking about it
  • Freeze: This is when you become incapable of acting or speaking
  • Hesitate: This is when you hold back in doubt or indecision, often momentarily
  • Ruminate: This is when you obsessively think about a past emotional experience
  • Scream/yell: This is when you lose control of your speech and cry out in a loud and high voice
  • Withdraw: This is when you physically or mentally leave the scene of the threat.
  • Worry: This is when you anticipate the possibility of harm

Triggers of fear

The most common universal triggers of fear are as follows:

  • Public speaking
  • Thunder
  • Threat of losing a job

Everyone has the same universal triggers as we are born with them. They affect us more intensely than learned triggers. The following figure shows the different triggers of fear:

Triggers of Fear

The most common learned triggers in fear are as follows:

  • Snake-like shapes
  • Threat to safety
  • Sudden loss of gravity
  • Imminent bodily impact

Learned triggers can be part of your culture, or highly personal and created by your individual experiences.

States of sadness

Sadness can be felt mildly, extremely, or somewhere in between. The least intense state of sadness is disappointment; this can progressively escalate to discouragement, distraughtness, resignation, helplessness, hopelessness, misery, despair, grief, sorrow, and anguish. The following figure shows a graph of each state of sadness and its intensity:

States of Sadness

We will see what each of these represent:

  • Disappointment: This is the feeling that expectations are not being met. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, mourn, feel ashamed, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is a constructive action. Mourn is ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Discouragement: This is a response to repeated failures to accomplish something—the belief that it can't be done. The possible actions resulting from this state are protest, seek comfort, mourn, ruminate, withdraw. Protest and seek comfort are constructive actions. Mourn is ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Distraughtness: This involves sadness and makes it hard to think clearly. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, protest, feel ashamed, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Protest is ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Resignation: This is the belief that nothing can be done. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, protest, withdraw, feel ashamed, mourn, ruminate. Seek comfort is constructive. Protest is ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Helplessness: This is the realization that one cannot make a situation better or easier. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, protest, withdraw, feel ashamed, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Protest is ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Hopelessness: This is the belief that nothing good will happen. The possible actions resulting from this state are: seek comfort, mourn, feel ashamed, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Mourn is ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Misery: This is a strong feeling of suffering or unhappiness. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, mourn, protest, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Mourn and protest are ambiguous and the last two actions are destructive.
  • Despair: This involves the loss of hope that a bad situation will improve or change. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, mourn, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Mourn is ambiguous and the last two actions are destructive.
  • Grief: This involves sadness over a deep loss. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, mourn, protest, feel ashamed, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Mourn and protest are ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Sorrow: This involves a feeling of distress and sadness, often caused by a loss. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, mourn, feel ashamed, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Mourn is ambiguous and all the other actions are destructive.
  • Anguish: This involves intense sadness or suffering. The possible actions resulting from this state are seek comfort, mourn, protest, ruminate, withdraw. Seek comfort is constructive. Mourn and protest are ambiguous and the last two actions are destructive.

Actions of sadness

The possible actions resulting from any of the states/intensity of sadness mentioned earlier are shown in the following figure:

Actions of Sadness

We will now see what they represent:

  • Feel ashamed: This is when you feel embarrassed about the loss
  • Mourn: This is when you express grief for your loss through actions, dress, and speech
  • Protest: This is when you object to the loss
  • Ruminate: This is when you obsessively think about the emotional experience
  • Seek comfort: This is when you seek help or support from others
  • Withdraw: This is when you either physically stay away from what is triggering the sadness or keep yourself from thinking about it

Triggers of sadness

The most common universal triggers of sadness are:

  • Losing a loved one
  • Being rejected by someone important

Everyone has the same universal triggers as we are born with them. They affect us more intensely than learned triggers. The following figure shows the different triggers of sadness:

Triggers of Sadness

The most common learned triggers in sadness are:

  • Perceiving a loss of status
  • Not being invited to a party
  • Losing a treasured belonging

Learned triggers can be part of your culture, or highly personal and created by your individual experiences.

States of disgust

Disgust can be felt mildly, extremely, or somewhere in between. The least intense state of disgust is dislike that can progressively, escalate to aversion, distaste, repugnance, revulsion, abhorrence, loathing. The following figure shows a graph of each state of disgust and its intensity:

States of Disgust

We will now see what they represent:

  • Dislike: This involves a preference against something. The possible actions resulting from this state are withdraw, avoid, and dehumanize. The first two actions are ambiguous. The last one is destructive.
  • Aversion: This involves an impulse to avoid something disgusting. The possible actions resulting from this state are avoid, withdraw, and dehumanize. Avoid is constructive. Withdraw is ambiguous. Dehumanize is destructive.
  • Distaste: This involves a reaction to a bad taste, smell, thing, or idea. It can be literal or metaphorical. The possible actions resulting from this state are avoid, vomit, and withdraw. Avoid and vomit are constructive. Withdraw is ambiguous.
  • Repugnance: This involves a strong distaste for something, often a concept or idea. The possible actions resulting from this state are withdraw, avoid, and dehumanize. Withdraw and avoid are ambiguous. Dehumanize is destructive.
  • Revulsion: This involves a mixture of disgust and loathing. The possible actions resulting from this state are avoid, vomit, withdraw, and dehumanize. Avoid and vomit are constructive. The last two are destructive.
  • Abhorrence: This involves a mixture of intense disgust and hatred. The possible actions resulting from this state are avoid, withdraw, and dehumanize. Avoid is constructive. The last two are destructive.
  • Loathing: This involves intense disgust focused on a person. Intense disgust focused on oneself is called self-loathing. The possible actions resulting from this state are withdraw, avoid, and dehumanize. All of them are destructive.

Actions of disgust

The possible actions resulting from any of the states/intensity of disgust mentioned earlier are shown in the following figure:

Actions of Disgust

We shall now see what they represent:

  • Avoid: This is when you either physically stay away from whatever is triggering the disgust or keep yourself from thinking about it
  • Dehumanize: This is when you treat someone as though he or she is not a human being—you deprive someone of human qualities, personality or spirit
  • Vomit: This is when you respond to feelings of disgust by throwing up
  • Withdraw: This is when you physically or mentally leave the scene of what is triggering the disgust

Triggers of disgust

The most common universal triggers of disgust are as follows:

  • Rotting or decay
  • Anything coming out of the body

Everyone has the same universal triggers as we are born with them. They affect us more intensely than learned triggers. The following figure shows the different triggers of disgust:

Triggers of Disgust

The most common learned triggers in disgust are as follows:

  • Eating insects or raw meat
  • Unfamiliar religious customs
  • Fans of an opposing sports team

Learned triggers can be part of your culture, or highly personal and created by your individual experiences.

Though, the five emotions we just learned are the ones that the scientific community accepts as being universal—independently of the culture—two of the pioneer researchers in the field of emotions, the psychologists Paul Ekman and Robert Plutchik, after more than four years of field research across cultures worldwide decided to add more emotions to the five universal emotions that we have covered. Paul Ekman identifies six basic emotions and Robert Plutchik eight basic emotions. Both of them use the five universal emotions as a basis for their work.

Paul Ekman understands that the core of human emotions are: joy (happiness), surprise, sadness, anger, disgust, and fear. All the other emotions radiate from these basic core universal emotions as we can see in the following figure:

Paul Ekman´s Six Core Universal Emotions

Robert Plutchik´s wheel of emotions is based in eight primary emotions—joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation—and uses a color wheel to help visualize the spectrum of emotions and how emotions relate to each other from the viewpoint of intensity, complementary emotions and contrasting emotions, as we can see in the following figure. If your figure is in greyscale and you cannot see the colors you can color the image—coloring is a very relaxing way to meditate. Choose your eight basic colors and imagine an explosion of colors going from the strong brightness in the core center and dissipating its intensity in softer tones towards the edges. It is the same with the emotions, the strong emotion at the core, dissipating intensity towards the edge.

Plutchik´s Wheel of Emotions